Stephania Piazzalunga is a psychotherapist working in Italy and a great advocate for the curative power of walking. She says that it is when we walk that our inner thoughts are revealed to us via a sort of meditation in motion.
She believes that walking in silence, or quiet contemplation is one of the most natural and original forms of self-help. The mere act of moving encourages an improved sense of well-being and self-esteem.
When faced with the prospect of having difficult or emotionally loaded conversations with someone then sitting across the table from each other can feel inhibiting and make some people feel more awkward to the point of them not wanting to say very much at all. Change the dynamic by going for a walk together instead and see if this frees up the conversation and makes the sharing of emotions feel less pressured.
Walking also has a role to play in improving communications. It is an ideal activity to do while having those difficult conversations.
The way we hold, carry, and orient our bodies conveys many nonverbal messages. Psychiatry professor Albert Scheflin described this idea using two categories, or his term ’frames’ to explain this idea.
The Vis-à-Vis frame. Is when two people greet and address each other in a face-to-face position. The vis-à-vis frame is a prerequisite for making eye contact.
The Side-by-Side frame. Often, this is a communication choice, especially amongst men. It precludes eye contact.
In general, when women talk, they orient themselves toward the other and tend to use the vis-à-vis frame, maintaining eye contact. According to Deborah Tannen, women also display more general intimacy behaviours than men. These include leaning forward, nodding the head, smiling, and touching. The vis-à-vis frame enhances and encourages more eye contact. This encourages more bonding and connection, as it keeps people focused on each other.
Men favour the side-by-side frame. Direct eye contact can feel challenging amongst men; a face-to-face frame is a more competitive posture and stance.
When a couple needs to have a tricky conversation, they will do talk while taking a walk together. The side-by-side frame allows things to be said and heard in a way that feels less confrontational than face-to-face.
Later, they may be able to communicate on a deeper level in a face-to-face frame where they are able to ‘read’ each other’s micro-expressions.
Anthropologist Helen Fisher suggests ways to improve men’s and women’s communications. In Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage and Why We Stray, she writes,
‘A woman involved in a heterosexual relationship should probably adopt at least one nonverbal, side-by-side leisure activity that her spouse enjoys, whereas men could improve their home lives if they took time out to sit face-to-face with their mate to engage in talk and active listening.’
To find out more fascinating insights from Helen Fisher you can click here to buy her book now from Amazon UK
