2 Self Help Hacks To Change The Way You Think

2 Self Help Hacks To Change The Way You Think

















Are you losing sleep worrying about what might or might not happen in the future?
Do your thoughts go around and around in your mind on an endless loop?
Does negative thinking spoil your enjoyment of life?

If you feel anxious all the time and plagued by worrying thoughts it may be because you have developed an unhelpful thinking style.

People’s thoughts and reactions to circumstances and events are influenced by their style of thinking. In fact, your thinking style can make a difference between being burdened by worry or being someone who can glide through life and never be overly concerned about anything.

Let’s take a closer look at thinking styles and perhaps you can recognise patterns in your own thinking.

The Black and White Thinker

This is an ‘either, or’ style of thinking that tends towards the extreme in any situation. Black and white thinkers generally fail to recognise all the shades of grey in their life and have an ‘all or nothing’ attitude. An example would be if they fail at a task then they berate themselves as a total failure and forget all the times they’ve succeeded before. It is as if they cannot acknowledge or own any track record of achievement for themselves.

The Catastrophic Thinker

















This kind of thinker always thinks the worst. If something challenging happens in their life the thoughts they have will automatically go to the extremes of negativity. An example would be if a friend turns down their invitation to meet up it is because their friend no longer wants to know them or ever see them again and they’ll end up alone without anyone to care about them. This type of thinking is exhausting and can reinforce feelings of powerlessness and overwhelm.

The Over-Thinker

















This kind of thinker ruminates about everything thinking and re-thinking and the outcome is never positive. If a colleague at work says something to them that can be taken two ways for instance or is ambiguous they would never think to dismiss the comment as a throwaway remark or ask for clarification. Instead, they spend endless amounts of time and energy trying to work out what this person might have meant by what they said. It bothers them and makes them feel unsettled. An example of this type of thinking could be if their partner says you look slim or fit in that outfit they can’t just accept the compliment without ruminating on whether perhaps their partner has been thinking they looked previously heavy or overweight.

Identifying Your Thinking Style
These types of thinking are considered to be disordered thinking which means your emotions are sub-consciously determined by your thoughts.

These are thinking styles you may have developed over time and it just felt natural for you to think in this way but you can see how they have a negative influence on your mood and how you feel about yourself. Identifying what thinking style or even the mix of thinking styles that is your default setting is one of the first steps to taking conscious control of your thoughts so that you are no longer a passive casualty of your thinking imperatives.

When considering what kind of thinker you maybe it’s also useful to explore whose thinking style reminds you of. For instance was one or both of your parents’ catastrophisers or black and white thinkers?

If so, that can defiantly have an influence on your thinking style you and once you can identify ‘Oh my father was always a worrier or an over-thinker’ then you begin to make a space or create boundaries around your thoughts so that when you slip into worrying you can consciously say to yourself ‘I’m just thinking the same way my dad always did.’

This insight you can help you to consciously choose to interrupt your thinking with the aim of letting it go.

Changing a thinking style will take vigilance and insights and with practice, you can have a thought; decide whether its a helpful thought or not; interrupt it, and formulate a more helpful positive alternate thought instead.

How To Change Your Thinking Style
There are several ways you can change your thinking style.

Break State
Breaking state is purposely doing something to interrupt your thinking and to stop your negative ruminating circular thoughts. So instead of just submitting to hours of negative thinking the best way to break state is by doing something physical. In Energy Therapy there is a well-established technique called ‘Cross Crawl where you stand up and alternate raising your left knee to tap that knee with your right hand and then lower that knee and raise your right knee and tap with your left hand. Repeat five to ten times. Alternatively, you can run up a flight of stairs or go outside in the fresh air. You need to break the pattern of negative thinking and stop allowing your thoughts to dictate your feelings.

When you are caught up in worry and anxiety your breathing becomes much more shallow. This happens without people realising. An effective way to change your thinking is to assess your breathing by taking three gently in and out breaths so you can score your depth of breathing on a scale of zero to ten. Just take an intuitive guess. A zero score means no breath in your body at all and a score of ten signifies you are breathing deeply and freely.

You may be surprised to find your breathing is below five and to increase the depth of your breathing you can tap with a soft fist around your collarbone and focus on breathing more deeply for a few moments. The tapping around your collarbone is another energy Therapy technique to help you feel more grounded and secure. Reaching and touching the collarbone is a natural response for many people when they hear bad news. It’s a natural non-verbal self-comforting reaction and you can use it to move out of negative thinking to feeling calmer and more secure.

Is your style of thinking getting in your way of happiness and success? If you want help to transform how you think and feel about yourself then reach out and make contact. You can book an obligation free discovery call on this page.

If you want to lead a happier more fulfilled life it’s almost impossible when you’re doubting yourself or sabotaging your chances of success. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve ‘tried everything’ it could be just what you need. You can book an obligation-free 30-minute discovery call to find out for yourself.


Say Grace: The Power of Gratitude

Say Grace: The Power of Gratitude


A couple of months back I happened to win a random runners-up prize in a local raffle. It was two tickets to see American Country Singer Gretchen Peters in concert.

‘New Country’ isn’t really our thing, but my husband and I went along when the date finally rolled around this week.

I didn’t know anything about Gretchen’s music but having looked her up online she had an enthusiastic fan base who heralded her as an inspired musician and a poet. There are worse ways to spend a Wednesday evening.

Sitting there in the sold-out auditorium listening to each song for the first time I suppose some of my worst fears about country music equating with misery lyrics was proved right.

Some of the inspirations for her songs were very dark and alluded to all sorts of family breakdowns, alcohol issues and even sexual abuse and murder. Allowing for artistic license, I just hoped as a therapist that she’d found help for herself or maybe just writing and singing her lyrics was therapy enough for her.

One of her songs, ‘Say Grace’ was particularly beautiful in its simplicity and it resonated with me. The song wasn’t religious in an orthodox way, but it was certainly spiritual.

It focussed on the ability to forgive oneself for all one’s mistakes which is a primary tenet of mental well being and emotional health.

She goes on to remind her listeners that if it means beginning all over again, then you can and that for me spoke of optimism and hoped even in the darkest of times when you’ve hit rock-bottom and not sure which way to turn.

Most powerfully the last two lines of the chorus are an invitation to come inside and set yourself a place at the table and say grace. Grace is the oldest form of gratitude that we can express. You don’t have to believe in a god on high to take a moment to thank the universe or some higher power for providing nourishment as you sit down to eat.

The idea of home, of coming home, is something many people including myself have had to strive for. It reminded me of several decades ago when I was a newly single parent with a confused and sad five-year-old boy. We had lost a lot and I wasn’t sure we’d ever find our true home again.

I can recall how overwhelming that felt and how peaceful it feels now to know all this time later that my son has found his way home and so have I.

Gratitude work is one of the oldest and most effective ways to improve our feelings of being grounded and it’s a way to come home to yourself. I highly recommend it as an act of affirmation to include in your everyday life.

At the end of your day, preferably just before sleep, just jot down in a notebook all the things that happened to you during the day that you are grateful for. The physical process of hand-writing these are important so preferably no typing.

In tough and challenging times it can be really difficult to recall anything to feel grateful for but as you commit to this nighty process more things will come to you and eventually they will more readily come to your mind.

Psychologists have worked out it takes twenty-one days to embed a habit so commit to doing this for three weeks and you may find it so valuable to your wellbeing that you just happily continue. The daily process of recalling everything you feel grateful for will reap more happiness for you in an almost magical way.

Begin first with five things you are grateful for and try to increase this over several days into a list of fifty things you are grateful for.

When your written list is complete it will enough for you just to read it out to yourself to gain the optimal benefits before you go to sleep.

You’ll sleep soundly and while you sleep your subconscious mind will focus on everything you have already to set up the ideal mindset for feeling grateful and abundant when you wake the next morning.

If you’re struggling to find your way home or focussing more on lack than abundance then you may need some professional help to transform your limiting beliefs. Reach out and schedule an obligation free discovery call with me. The link is on this page.

If you want to lead a happier more fulfilled life it’s almost impossible when you’re doubting yourself or sabotaging your chances of success. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve ‘tried everything’ it could be just what you need. You can book an obligation-free 30-minute discovery call to find out for yourself.


What stops you from loving yourself?

What stops you from loving yourself?

The idea of ‘self-love’ is a popular aspiration for many people these days along with achieving zen-like mindfulness or lithely moving from downward-facing dog to sun-salutation without as much as breaking a sweat.

All these goals sound great in theory and why wouldn’t anyone not want to love themselves?

The only drawback is that self-love is bandied around as if it’s something that’s easy and effortless for all to achieve.

If that were true, then everyone would just be getting on with it, and it wouldn’t be a thing. But it is a ‘thing.

The Challenge of self-love
Self-love doesn’t feel like a natural state for all of us and perhaps trying to achieve it is just another way of beating yourself up for failing at something you think everyone else is managing as if they were born to it.

Rest assured as many people struggle with achieving self-love as find yoga sweaty and uncomfortable.

One of the most common obstacles to loving yourself is the little negative voice in your head that whispers in your ear a running commentary on everything you do or say.

Now, if on hearing about your inner voice your response is, ‘What inner voice – I don’t have one’, then that is your inner voice. Your inner voice runs a continuous internal dialogue commenting on everything you do and often makes judgments on how well you do it too.

What does your inner voice say to you?
For many people, their inner voice is rarely a source of uplifting encouragement. It is more likely to be an unremitting flow of self-criticism and negative self-judgments, and it acts as an effective block to self-love.

Tuning in, and hearing your inner voice is the crucial first step to silencing the dispiriting stream of negativity that can be happening continuously, just below your conscious awareness like a toxic dripping tap.

I would like to encourage you to spend a little quiet time, just a few moments, every day for about a week to tune-in to your inner voice. Just listen and note down the negative statements it says while being aware of the use of language, idiom, slang or accent of your inner voice.

Where does your negative voice originate?
Begin to get a sense of where the negative voice originated – does it remind you of anyone in your past – a parent, a teacher or a grandparent.

The first step towards turning off your negative voice is to gain a greater awareness of your unique brand of negative self-talk. Train yourself to be more attuned to your inner voice and instead of allowing it a free pass to your sub-conscious mind become aware of it.

By just clocking it you are changing the dynamic and starting to diminish your inner voice’s power to block your self-love and then in your mind you can dismiss it for just what it is – a BS thought.

Your aim is to transform your critical, carping inner voice into your most enthusiastic cheerleader. You can do this easily in just a couple of weeks of awareness. With your inner voice finally whispering words of encouragement and reminding you how fabulous you are self-love does become you’re effortless, natural state.

Book a discovery call
If you are struggling to transform your inner voice from carping to celebratory you can book an obligation-free discovery call with me to explore what is getting in your way of self-love.

If you want to lead a happier more fulfilled life it’s almost impossible when you’re doubting yourself or sabotaging your chances of success. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve ‘tried everything’ it could be just what you need. You can book an obligation-free 30-minute discovery call to find out for yourself.


What is EFT ?

What is EFT ?


The history of EFT is fascinating. Its origins lie in traditional Chinese Medicine, including acupuncture, which has been the primary form of medicine in

China for more than 5000 years. Recent research has confirmed the flow of energy (Qi) along these invisible meridians, or pathways in the body.

Acupuncture was originally developed to treat physical problems, although today practitioners frequently use it also to treat anxiety and stress.

Dr George Goodheart, a chiropractor in the US, developed an interest in acupuncture, and went on to introduce a new method into his practice called ‘Applied Kinesiology’, which is a form of muscle testing. He achieved the same results as acupuncture by tapping on the acupuncture points. Australian psychiatrist, John Diamond MD, then went on to create another variant of this wherein he had the client tapping on the same points, and repeating positive affirmations to treat any emotional symptoms.

Dr Roger Callahan went further to find that by tapping certain algorithms, or particular pattern, or tapping sequence, his patients were able to release specific anxieties, or phobias, and the first meridian tapping structures were created. If a client concentrated on a problem, or fear, and tapped at the same time, following a specific pattern, then the issue could be resolved, in some cases permanently. Thought Field Therapy (TFT) was born.

Later it occurred to Gary Craig, who had studied TFT extensively with Callahan, that a single algorithm, or pattern of tapping, might work just as well. Craig went on to develop his own individual single algorithm which he called ‘Emotional Freedom Techniques’ (EFT).

EFT is now the most influential and widely known Energy Psychology method in the world.

It has been used successfully in treatments for an incredibly wide variety of issues, including fears, anxieties, phobias and post-traumatic stress disorder, just to mention a few. EFT has also proved to be very successful as a technique for managing, or reducing the impact, and/or frequency of physical issues, such as migraines, tinitus, IBS, Fibromyalgia, and TN (Trigeminal Neuropathic facial nerve pain, to name but a few examples.

It is an easy enough technique to be mastered by most people, and you don’t have to believe in meridian energy pathways in the body for it to work.

Learn how to work successfully with EFT

To get started you need to turn off your phone and ensure that you have around 30 minutes in which you will not be disturbed. It would be helpful to familiarise yourself with all the ‘tapping points’ you may need to use. It’s easy to follow these in our diagram (see Figure 1).

As you become more adept, and learn to trust your own instincts more, you will find you’ll be able to naturally, and intuitively compose your own EFT setups, and find your own words to say as you tap around on each point. Your own words are always more powerful as they are customised to your own requirements, and then you will really feel how powerful and life changing EFT can be for you.

Click here for your own  EFT_Instructions


If you want to lead a happier more fulfilled life it’s almost impossible when you’re doubting yourself or sabotaging your chances of success. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but if you’ve ‘tried everything’ it could be just what you need. You can book an obligation-free 30-minute discovery call to find out for yourself.