Dating: Is the green eyed monster colouring your vision?
Is the green Eye’d monster colouring your vision
Feeling jealousy when you see an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend out with their new beau says a lot more about how you think and feel about yourself than just reacting to the pang of the green-eyed monster.
Ex’s are ex’s for all the right reasons so you can wish every last one of them well and thank the lucky stars that you are not with them anymore. Being footloose means, you can focus on doing things that make you happy and increase your sense of self-confidence and self-fulfilment.
To wholeheartedly let go of your past you need to trust that your future is positive and the best is still to come. You may need to fake that feeling until you can own it for yourself and make inner-optimism your default mindset.
Even with only a glass half full approach to life, you are more open to possibilities and new beginnings than the glass half empty jealousy mantra you’ve been focusing on about someone who’s not even worth the mental attention you are paying them. It’s just BS thoughts so stop it now!
Some people have a well-developed sense of resilience – the ability to bounce back from disappointments and let-downs. You can often tell who they are as they are fortunate enough to have unwavering faith in themselves and their ability to recover from all sorts of adversity. They are not prone to jealous feelings are they are determined to live their lives and thrive.
Not everyone’s childhood was ideal, and the seeds of jealous reactions and self-doubt were probably sown when you were growing up. Sometimes childhood experiences hamper you developing your inner-resilience, and this affects your ability to shrug off disappointments in love too.
if you are the kind of person who struggles more with self-doubt and self-esteem issues, there is plenty you can do develop those core skills now and to move on from past relationships and leave jealousy behind you.
To help you to do that learn to interrupt your over-thinking when you find yourself replaying the ‘What if’s and the ‘If only’s’. Ruminating on the past is called disordered thinking, and it’s a stumbling block to your happiness.
If you naturally feel pessimistic and your self-esteem feels battered by past relationship breakdowns you could help yourself gain some useful perspective by acknowledging the reality of those relationships.
It’s easy to hanker over some overly-romanticised and idealised version of what you two had together. Seriously, if your ex-lover was that great why did he or she make you feel insecure, doubt yourself, or make you feel sad? And, why did they end up sleeping with your best friend?
The dreaded re-coupling with an unsuitable ex often takes place in a moment of self-doubt when you’ve managed to over-ride your gut instinct that is shouting ‘No!’ Come on it happens and you can find yourself back in a relationship that is not good for you. Take a deep breath and connect with your inner courage that is there hidden and often ignored in all of us before you break the news that ‘It’s me and not you’ and leave them to get on with their own life while you duster yourself down and prepare for more. Coupledom might be called settling down, but it’s not called settling for less.
The person out there in the world for you is the one who makes your world a better, happier place to live in and who sticks around to work things out with you. The way you’re guaranteed to find him, or she is to kick jealousy into touch and get busy enjoying your life to your utmost will make you magnetic and irresistible.
Do you find yourself attracted to partners who let you down but find it hard to break those ties? If jealousy is one of your key emotional responses, it’s time to let go of old patterns of behaviour that do not serve you. You can book an obligation free call with me via the link on this page.
Sally Baker is Senior Therapist, published Author and Speaker in private practice in London for face to face sessions and the world over via the internet.
With almost twenty years of professional experience, she employs cutting-edge therapeutic approaches to help one person at a time to transform their lives.
She has extensive experience working with people to alleviate their anxiety, depression, anger issues, eating disorders as well as conflicts within relationships and the family.
To find out more about Sally Baker, her books and her work visit her website, www.workingonthebody.com