In a powerful and harrowing interview, Oprah Winfrey spoke with the two men featured in the documentary, ‘Leaving Neverland’. The documentary explores the child sex abuse allegations made against Michael Jackson. Jimmy Safechuck and Wade Robson were befriended by him as children, and shared their allegations of abuse in the film.
In the interview following the release of the documentary, Oprah likened child sexual abuse to “a scourge on humanity”.
Seductive sexual abuse
Oprah stressed how powerful and important the film is in shifting the way people think about sexual abuse. It showed how seduction plays a role in sexual abuse.
It’s a common misconception that strangers are to be feared. The majority of sexual abuse of minors is perpetrated by family members or people known to the child.
Many parents prefer to warn their children of the potential of ‘Stranger Danger’. This makes the bogeyman some unknown outsider who is separate from their lives.
But the true statistical reality is that the greater risk is from someone the child knows. Someone in their own family, in their church, in their schools and in their sports team. It’s no secret that Oprah was raped at nine years of age by someone close to her. Someone she trusted.
Subtle sexual abuse
It is also true that not all sexual abuse against minors takes the form of a violent rape. What happens can be much more subtle and can involve careful grooming or seduction of the minors. This inappropriate behaviour is introduced incrementally and often with the minors’ complicity.
Sexual grooming of minors is a mix of patience and shrewdness. The victim never feels like a victim. They are made to feel they were chosen for this special attention. What develops can be often deeply conflicting and confusing for the young person.
Childhood sexual abuse is made even more confusing for the minor. The sexual interactions can create pleasurable feelings for the child. And they may be urged by the perpetrator to believe that they wanted and desired the sexual activity. Sexual pleasure can be a physiological reaction to a specific physical stimulus. This reaction can transcend circumstances. So even if the mind doesn’t want or enjoy it, the body might
Challenging crime
We already recognise that rape is a challenging crime to bring to justice. Usually, there are no witnesses, and the people involved in the disputed sexual acts give wildly differing testimony.
In my therapy practice, I work with many adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I often see people who have kept their experiences of abuse a secret from everyone well into their 40s or 50s. They mostly had never intended to disclose their story to anyone at all. It is often an unexpected trigger that compelled them to seek therapy.
In the UK, when Jimmy Savile’s prolific history of sexual abuse came to light in 2012, it was featured extensively in the media. Some adult survivors of sexual abuse found themselves reminded of their own experiences. Even those who had worked hard to put those memories to the back of their mind began to experience flashbacks, insomnia and panic attacks.
Deeply confusing
The experience of sexual abuse for children is deeply confusing on many levels. The seduction or grooming of minors can involve the whole family. For the grooming to work, the abuser will have to ingratiate themselves into the family life of the child they have targeted.Â
I worked with a client who was abused as a minor by a charismatic and brilliant teacher. The teacher was held in high esteem by the School community and his family. The trusted teacher was even invited to holiday with his family for several summers in a row. The teacher used the family’s trust as an opportunity to continue his sexual assault of the child. Eventually, the teacher lost interest in the child, and moved onto a younger boy.
Sexual grooming is really a form of mind training.Â
Another client, who had been abused by his teacher, provided an alibi when the teacher was accused of sexual abuse by another boy. The years of sexual grooming meant the influence the teacher had over his ex-pupil was still powerful enough for the young man to commit perjury.
Overriding loyalty
A woman client of mine was sexually assaulted by her father as a child by her father. As an adult, she had chosen to have nothing to do with him. In her early 60s she heard that he was alone and infirm, and so decided it was her duty to care for him in his final years.
She remembered all the terrible things that he had done to her, but wanted to focus on the times when he had been kind. Her overriding loyalty was towards the father she had always wanted him to be. This was not the reality she had survived while growing up.
It’s not unusual for adult survivors of sexual abuse to feel some level of ambivalence about their abuser. They can recall the times when they were made to feel loved and adored. But they can also see how they were manipulated, groomed or seduced by their abuser.
Profound and complex
The effects of childhood sexual abuse are profound and complex. To bring an abuser to justice, years or even decades afterwards, is fraught with legal obstacles and emotional challenges.
I always believe my clients when they disclose their experiences of sexual abuse to me. I can clearly witness the impact their experiences have had on their mental well-being.
If you’re triggered by the media focus on alleged childhood sexual abuse in ‘Leaving Neverland’ then it may be time for you to seek professional help. Memories buried alive never die. You deserve not to be haunted by events in your past.
Sally Baker is the guest expert on ‘The Silenced’ Radio show, discussing many aspects of CSA with survivors and activists. Go to www.yowahradio.co.uk to listen to the programme series.
