Why is it so hard for survivors of sexual abuse to be believed? After the trauma of the abuse, why do they have to fight so hard for justice?
Wade Robson and James Safechuck are the two alleged childhood victims of sexual abuse featured in the 2019 documentary, ‘Leaving Neverland’, about Michael Jackson’.
Oprah Winfrey, herself a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, has spent time with both men. She supports their story, finding what they have said both convincing and credible. And yet, Oprah has received abuse for supporting them.
The judiciary, Jackson’s estate and his loyal fan base are trying to discredit them and accuse them of lying. After all, they point out, both men testified under oath that they were not sexually abused by Jackson.
Yet in this latest documentary, they allege that Jackson did abuse them more than 20 years ago, when they were respectively seven and ten years of age.
So what is the truth? Why would they say they weren’t abused if they were?
Never Forced
The reality for many sexually abused children is that the abuse they experienced wasn’t violent or traumatic at the time. Sexual abuse of a minor is always a crime. But sex with a minor doesn’t always involve force.
Sexual abuse of a minor is usually a calculated process of seduction, mind-training and grooming. The abuser engineers prolonged access to the child, rich with opportunities for abuse.
A child’s emerging sexuality ought to be within their control. It should develop at the age, pace, and sexual orientation of their choice. The abuse cheats the child out of this agency of their sexual awakening. When minors are sexually abused by an adult, it is always in order to satisfy the adult’s sexual desire, not those of the child.
Manipulation
For the abuser to succeed, he or she will manipulate, lie, frighten or speak words of love. They will equally say and do whatever it takes to ensure the child’s complicit silence. The abuser can make the child believe they are unique or that they are specially chosen. They will convince the child that the sexual acts they share are a natural expression of their love. That outsiders could never understand what they share.
Often, survivors will feel confusion about the role they played in the abuse. The abuser can manipulate the child to believe that it was their fault the unlawful sex happened. That they were responsible through their actions or their behaviour.
The child can feel shame and guilt and make negative judgments about themselves. This can impact their mental well-being into adulthood. They may have ambiguous feelings about the abuse, especially if they experienced sexual pleasure with the abuser. The role of sexual seduction can blur the line between what feels right or wrong in the child’s eyes.
For some survivors of childhood sexual abuse, it can take years for them to realise their experience was abusive.
Secrecy And Lies
Secrecy and manipulation are crucial components of grooming. A child may be dependent upon or in the thrall of their abuser. Telling the truth brings terrifying consequences. And so they remain silent. They will live in daily fear, confusion and even dread. The child has limited life experiences to compare, to know that this is not normal or healthy. It is hard to speak to others about their experiences. And so the child is left isolated.
Part of the complexity of sexual abuse is that it is not uncommon for a minor to lie or help cover their abusers’ tracks. An abused child might provide excuses and even alibis in court to protect their abuser. The child may still lie even if they know it means the abuse will continue, or another child might also suffer.
Present-day cases of abuse are hard enough to prosecute successfully. Legal cases remain rare, with many survivors of abuse never having their day in court.
Sadly, historical abuse is even harder to prove, as Wade and Safechuck have discovered. Without clear evidence and supporting testimonials, it is hard to get their accusations taken seriously.
In my work, I always believe the survivors. I spend time with them, hear their story, and see their pain. As Oprah Winfrey has with these two men. Survivors do not lie.
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